Sterling Says

God, everything makes you uncomfortable. Just the tip?

So, thanks for nothing Carol. Now, I have to break into ISIS headquarters—in a $900 turtleneck. And if it gets ruined, I'm going to make you drink heavy cream, you ... Carol.

Sterling: Yeah, I know it's sexy Woodhouse, that's why I bought ten. Now arrange those by color.
Woodhouse: These are all black.
Sterling: Oh, are they? Or are five in a dark black, and are five in a slightly darker black?

I'm getting my turtleneck. I'm not defusing a bomb in this!

Sterling: And M, as in Mancy.
Lana: M, as in what?
Sterling: Mancy. What'd you think I said?

Hey Cyril. Cyril. CYRIL! I'm saving Lana, as usual!

Sterling: Hey! I'm serious. Look at me, seriously, Lana. Forget the eye bandage, but the hair, the strong jawline—who do I remind you of?
Lana: Nobody.
Sterling: Say it. Say it. Say it!
Lana: Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
Sterling: No! Not in Deliverance. In Gator! How can you not see that?

Lana: Okay, that was a fluke.
Sterling: Yeah, a fluke of nature. Because I happen to have perfect situational awareness, Lana. Which cannot be taught, by the way. Like a poet's ... mind for ... to make the perfect words.

I'm not saying I invented the turtleneck. But I was the first person to realize its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtleneck! The... tactleneck!

No, no, it's Woodhouse! He's all tied up somewhere, sc-scared and alone! And possibly dehydrated!

Sterling: Who would want to wear an on-fire suit?
Lana: Cos play enthusiasts!

If you want breakfast you should try the diner; you're obviously into greek. Get it?

I have to go, but if I find one dog hair when I come back I'll rub sand into your dead little eyes. I also need you to buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but ... coarse.

Malory: It doesn't exist for you to just jet off to ... Whore island!
Sterling: That's not ... a real place.

Malory: Have I made myself clear?
Sterling: You're looking for the word yes.
Malory: Yes.
Sterling: Then, yes.

Can't or won't?

Sterling: Do not wind her up: that is a big gun and she is baby crazy.
Lana: Baby crazy?!
Sterling: That's why I dumped her.
Lana: You little, you sack of shit. I dumped you because you're dragging around a 35-year-old umbilical cord!
Sterling: See, all you talk about is baby shit, because you're baby crazy!

Crenshaw: Yes, picture her, dead in the gutter, and what your pathetic life will be like without old mommy dearest–
Lana: Jesus christ! He's got an erection!
Crenshaw: What the hell is wrong with you people?!
Malory: An erection? The thought of me dead gives you an erection?
Sterling: No, just half of one. The other half would have really missed you. I mean not ... ew.

Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No, ISIS agents use Krav Maga.

Hey, I know you're upset, but if you ever mention my mother's loins or their frothiness to me again, I don't know what I'll do ... but it will be bad. Now let's go bury this dead hooker.

You know, I bet there's a lesson to be learned from all this, but I ... oh shit, my rug!

Sterling: Conway! What the shit, man?!
Conway: What? Schmeck was a traitor.
Sterling: Yeah, now he's all over my $400 custom shirt.
Conway: Well, I'll buy you a new one. Now grab the plans before it's too late!
Sterling: It's already too late. Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass! This is linen!

Sterling: Conway, wait! Just answer me one question.
Conway: Yeah, but make it quick—my ride's here. And your lungs are filling up with blood.
Sterling: Did you have sex with my mother?
Conway: Wait, what? That is your only question? Not who am I, not how did I infiltrate ISIS, or, or, or who's flying the helicopter?
Sterling: Just answer the question!
Conway: No, Archer, I didn't have sex with your mom.

Malory: It's okay! They're just blanks.
Lana: Well, see, you say that ...
Malory: But they were blanks—weren't they?
Sterling: Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards

Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.

Woodhouse, we got any lube? Like even olive oil at this point would ... help me get that drawer unstuck.

You know, when I was little I used to pretend that you weren't my mother.

And your shoes! Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly? Seriously, that's like Eggs 101, Woodhouse.

Sterling: Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab of hard man body? I mean, come on! Are you gay or not?
Ramone: I am, but you—you are so not my type.
Sterling: Hey, I am everybody's type.

Sterling: How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish?
Ramone: "El Hulk."
Sterling: Gay.
Ramone: What? We don't have a word for "Hulk."
Sterling: Do you have a word for gay?
Ramone: "Gay."
Sterling: Gayer.

Sterling: You know, if there's one thing women totally love, it's to be smothered by men.
Cheryl: Ha, like you'd know.
Sterling: Or choked, in your case.

Cyril, come on. Worst case scenario, her cover got blown and Skorpio's raping her senseless before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. What? I said worst case.

How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone?

Lana. Lana. Lana? LANA! Danger zone.

Hey, we're out there risking our lives every—many of the days!

I'm gonna pain you dearly Woodhouse, when I peel all your skin off with a flencing knife, sew it into Woodhouse-pajamas, and then set those pajamas on fire!

Hey. Hey, proposition: first person to untie me, guy or gal, I will let him or her give me a handy. Come on, let's share the milk of human kindness!

No Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!

Hm? Sorry I was picturing Whore Island.

Malory: If you were half as smart as she was–
Sterling: She wasn't too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?

Can I offer you a drink? How about this expensive prostitute?

If you let me into the mainframe, I'll drop these donuts. And then you can pretend you're a hungry hungry ... hungry hippo.

Lying is like 95% of what I do.

See that? He was putting on his pants, and I stopped him. So you just watch your step, mister ... dammit.

Sterling: Woodhouse, what are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uhh, sitting down, sir.
Sterling: What, at the table? Like people?
Malory: Sterling!
Sterling: What? He thinks he's people!

You're gay! I mean, I am, too. We're both gay.

Mine always said, "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps." Holy shit, was that out loud?

You better call Kenny Loggins. 'Cause you're in the danger zone.

No, no, turn it on. I can do both.